A SEAGULL ATE MY HOMEWORK

I say that I only speak the truth, but what if that’s a lie? What if everything’s a lie. Because listen, time is an imaginary construct and so it is actually impossible for me to be late. Also, I may have wrecked your boat. Can you pick me up somewhere near the Bermuda Triangle? Thanks!

THE WIND HOWLS ACROSS THE SEA

If you find it first, maybe let me know?

JUGGLING AT SEA

Some say that the krakens won’t eat you if you manage to keep them properly entertained. Others don’t say anything at all. Presumably because they’ve been eaten by the krakens. However, some others disagree and say that it is more likely that they are simply on vacation or have taken a vow of silence to appease the tallest waves. On the other hand, and no, I have no idea whose hand we are talking about at this point, maybe they took a vow of silence, went on a vacation, and got eaten by the krakens. They say you can’t do it all, but who are they anyway, and did they get eaten by the krakens? I say yes.

UNKNOWN TERRITORY

If you put enough random x’s on your map, you can spend all day searching for the buried treasure of pirates and space penguins. You might never get to wherever you thought you were going, but really, was that even the point anyway? I doubt it. Sure grandmother might like chocolate chip cookies, but who is going complain about a chest full of space penguin treasure? Well maybe the space penguin, but that’s more along the lines of, hey stop stealing all my cleverly hidden space treasure chests, and not, but I was really looking forward to the cookies. Look, I’ll be the first to admit that if your grandmother is a space penguin you might have a problem.

ABOUT A BOAT

Can’t decide on what color you dream boat should be? No problem, just get a color changing boat. Satisfaction guaranteed. Disclaimer: Color changing boats may attract sharks, mermaids, and medium sized krakens.

LOST AT SEA

I’d sail towards the shore but I have no sails. I also don’t seem to have and oars or paddles. Also I can’t seem to see the shore. At least I seem to have packed a lunch. I know it might be lunch time because I’m eating lunch. If you come rescue me, I’d be happy to share.

Another Day at Sea

I invited the sun over for tea. But the moon showed up instead. Said, the sun was busy counting all the stars. The moon didn’t want to talk about sports or politics. The moon didn’t want to talk at all. Not even about the moon. So we sipped our tea politely, and then the moon left to teach the tides.

Free Boat

If one should not complain about good things, what should one complain about? Bad things? No, if you asked me, I’d tell you that I would much rather hear someone complain about the good, than the bad.

Shoe

Hopping along the path. I meet a woman building a fence. You’re walking the wrong way, she says. No, I reply. This is the direction that I must go. She laughs and shakes her head, then almost as an afterthought she adds, I meant that most people use both feet.

Dreams

You were in my dream last night, again. Stop dream stalking me!