Look, I know that we are still on the Self Guided Nature Loop and not on the Great Dragon’s Descendent Trail, whatever that is, because I am good at reading maps. Look here, see we started over here at the visitor’s center and … Ten minutes of explanation later. …and sure it might seem like we’ve been walking for awhile but according to the map it has only been about 20 yards since the last numbered marker and we should be coming up on number seven any minute now, so keep your eyes out for a bird’s nest in an elm tree. 


Lagotic Moon C31 glass

Mr president, another person has gone outside. That makes four this week. I know that it is against the constitution of our awesome country to deny people doors, but they were never intended to use them.

We can’t outlaw glass doors because the glass lobby is too strong. Have you seen their representative? He can lift like 700 pounds.

Ask them nicely to come back inside? Do you really think that might work? Besides how are we supposed to communicate with them. Most outsiders have thrown away their walkie talkies and cell reception gets terrible if you get too far from civilization. Surely you wouldn’t consider requiring someone to go outside?

Oh you are thinking volunteers? But who would volunteer for that job? You’ve already gotten six applicants? That doesn’t make any sense. Wait, I signed up for this? Oh hell no I didn’t!

Have I just been defenestrated out the presidential window? I think I have. Crap. I am outside. This is not good. Also I am falling. That also doesn’t seem very good. I’m really more worried about the being outside thing though.

Ten years later…

Sign: Welcome to Windownia. Population? Yes.

Voice over: Windownia – defenestrating our presidents since 1987. If that sounds dirty to you, the president was also chewing gum. Which president? All of them!


Lagotic Moon C30 trees

Trees do get lost. This is a fact. I see them standing in the wind some days just trying to remember which direction the wind is blowing. It is always blowing away from the tree. Always. Somedays trees will rule the world. Don’t worry, they surely can’t do a worse job than we’re doing.


Lagotic Moon C26 grandma

Grandma left me a house made out of snow. I came in the summer to claim what should be mine. I could not find it. A passing wolf gave me directions but I didn’t find them very useful. So I picked flowers and waited for winter to arrive.


Lagotic Moon C28 balloons

It is always a tragedy when you lose your head. You look for it in the sock drawer with borrowed eyed. Finding nothing you think to cry, but that voids the terms of service for the eyes you borrowed. You lawyer up, but your top notch law expert turns out to be the personification of a potato chip only pretending to have passed the bar. You lose in the court of public opinion and people throw basket balls at your head. You follow the trail of tossed spheres to where it bends in the undergrowth. There chatting with the daisies and the moths, you find you head. Will you come back with me? you ask. Nope! It replies, because it knows how a good tragedy is supposed to end.


Lagotic Moon C23 recall

I seek the… Holy grail? Nope!
Bigfoot? The meaning of life? Secret to winning a conversation about sardines?
The end of time? The tallest tower? The moment of truth. Cat.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. It wasn’t any of those. I give up.
I sure hope it wasn’t something lame. I wonder if I wrote it down…

I Am Not

Lagotic Moon C22 notcat

Some people think that I am a cat. They put milk out for me in the morning and I drink it with my cereal. Or is that elves? Are those the ones with the pointy ears that drink my cereal each morning before the sun rises? I don’t get that. I don’t get this. I don’t get. Anyway, at least the milk tastes good.


Lagotic Moon C19 let go

Let it go. Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go. Let it go, let it go
What good is a balloon really for
It’s funny how some distance
Can get you all confused
Standing on some crossroads
Not knowing which to choose
And since you aren’t still in your bed
You can’t just hit the snooze
Let it go. Let it go, let it go be a balloon
Let it go. Let it go, and not a moment too soon
You can use the signs you find
To teach you where to go
You can ask the birds and such
To show you what they know
But you can only ask them when
You’ve learned to let it go